The Blog of P.U.R.E. and Sue Scheff

Summer is almost here and the calls are coming in from parents that are struggling with what to do with their at-risk teens. Some issues we are hearing: Failing some classes, when they are more than capable of getting passing grades, if not straight A's. Dropping out of their favorite sport or activity. Smoking pot -- occasionally - though parents may blame it on the friends, please keep in mind, it is your child making the decision to inhale that joint or pop that pill.   Drinking - again, it may be the friends you want to blame, but are they holding the bottle to your teen's mouth? Sneaking out of the house. Defiance, lying, stealing...... Maybe they have changed their peer group this year? Let's face it, with a combination of any of these above, you could be traveling down a negative path.  Chances are very good a short-term summer program will not address a long term solution. It can irritate me when I see parents get sucked into these very expensive W...

Respect.  A word that needs to come back into this generation of teenagers. As a child approaches adolescence, the natural exploration of boundaries and the need to assert his own independence often leaves his parents feeling as if all respect between them has dissipated. Arguing, defiance and even foul language are normal, though admittedly incredibly frustrating, aspects of parenting a teenager. While regaining a teen’s respect may seem like an impossible proposition, there are ways that you can restore some semblance of balance and civility to your relationship as he gets older. While patience and a refusal to reward bad behavior are the keys to maintaining a measure of order in your home as the parent of teenagers, there are some methods that can supplement your efforts along the way. Show Respect In order to maintain your teenager’s respect, you’ll need to make sure that you show the same measure of respect in return. If you resort to shouting, threat...

Post Newtown tragedy and we as a society not only mourn the loss of precious lives, we are debating what we can do from to prevent this from happening again. The conversation of gun control and mental health will continue for a long time. As someone that works with parents of struggling teenagers, I am faced on a weekly basis with families that are at their wit’s end.  They have exhausted all their local resources, the therapy sessions are going nowhere (if you can get your child to attend), school has usually reached their limit with the student, and in some cases the local authorities are now involved. Over the past few weeks we have heard from parents that feel like their teenagers are holding them hostage in their own homes.  They will punch holes in walls, they will scream at their parents, the level of disrespect today is at an all time high.  Sadly, though we are only hearing about this in the media lately, it has been going on for years. Som...

Searching online for help for your troubled teen? Maybe they are not troubled, they have always been a good kid, but now they are making some really bad choices - hanging with the less than positive influences - smoking some pot (not to mention the cigarettes) - drinking - and starting to fail in school. We have even watched our teen drift away from the things they used to love such as sports, dance, music, hobbies, etc. Defiance, lack of respect, underachieving, withdrawing from family activities, and simply a child you no longer recognize - where did your happy toddler go? This scenario is very common, it happened to me over a decade ago - and is the reason I created my organization - Parents' Universal Resource Experts . I don't want to rehash my story here, you can read it on www.aparentstruestory.com or in my books Wit's End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out of Control Teen . I want to help you a bit as you are searching the Internet for help for...

First semester of school is coming to an end.  You realize that your teen is failing - and may have even discovered they are experimenting with drugs - smoking pot, drinking - and now you are thinking - "is this a phase?"  "is it their friends?" "typical teen?" Sure - all is possible - but why risk it?  Getting your teen the help they need is a parent's responsibility.  I am not saying that rushing into a residential treatment center is your first option - on the contrary, it is your last. You need to exhaust all your local resources first.  Therapy, peer support groups, maybe outpatient, living with a relative, youth counselors.....  If the behavior continues to escalates you can't be a parent in denial.  Once the therapy isn't working - your teen is actually holding you hostage in your home - and taking control of your family - you literally feel like you are walking on eggshells - you have to reach out for help. The Internet, as much...

I hear many times that parents say that their teen is hanging with a negative peer group, however you have to remember, it is your teenager that is choosing to be with them. There is no denying how awkward the teenage years are. Surging hormones, increasing responsibility, and feeling a lack of control over their lives have long caused stress among teens. Parents might struggle to find sympathy when their teenager moans how hard their life is but it is true more than ever for today's teens. A parent's job is to help guide their child through this time, hopefully having them emerge from the chrysalis as a competent adult. One problem teens struggle to deal with is pressure. Non-stop access to social media has made it difficult for them to learn to switch off. As their parent, you can help them develop the skills they need to manage pressure in a positive way, without turning to damaging alternatives like alcohol or drugs. 1. Switching Off Put your teen in an...

School is about over, the grades are in and you realize that your teen has failed some courses. You also have realized they really don't care much about their education at all! Unfortunately I hear this more and more from parents today.  We have extremely intelligent children capable of getting A's and not working up to their academic potential.  What is going on? Teens that would rather either just get a GED or some that want to quit school all together!  Years ago that wouldn't even cross our minds -but today these kids don't recognize the importance of an education. Especially in today's financial world. Some parents are also dealing with their smoking marijuana.  Some just brush it under the table and say that it is the same as when the were kids.  Well, it isn't.  Pot today can be far more lethal than it was generations prior. Whether you are  parent that is feeling hostage in their own home or a parent that feels their teen is headi...

Yes, this is a trend I am hearing more and more of - and it is quite disturbing. Parents fear their teens using drugs - well, some parents even make excuses - "it's just pot, I did it when I was a teen," please understand - this is not the marijuana you did when you were a teen - in most cases marijuana can be laces with other substances that can be addictive or even deadly. Now phone calls are coming more frequently of teens that are dealing drugs not only to support their habit - but to make money. A cry for help?  Yes!  Well, no - not according to the teenager, but the parents should wake up and realize they have to intervene before this escalates to major drug trafficking and your child is no just arrested for possession but now is dealing with drug trafficking, selling to minors - and maybe more serious charges. I recently wrote an article for School Family  - 10 Tips to Help Prevent Teen Drug Addiction .  This combined with getting your teen outside...

Many teens believe that taking prescription drugs to get high is safer than using street drugs. Be AWARxE! Prescription drugs are dangerous when they are not used correctly as directed by a doctor. One in five teens have taken a prescription drug that was not theirs to get high or to deal with problems. Teens are abusing pain pills (Vicodin®, OxyContin®), stimulants (Ritalin®, Adderall®), and tranquilizers (Xanax®, Valium®). Teens take these drugs right out of the medicine cabinet – at home, at a friend’s house, or when visiting family. 5.2 million people, including kids ages 12 and older, said they had abused prescription pain relievers, as reported in a 2007 survey. More people are visiting the emergency room because they misused prescription pain medication. From 2004 to 2009, emergency room visits due to misusing narcotic pain pills increased by almost 100%. Learn more at AWARE RX . Fact: Prescription drugs are the most commonly abused drugs among 12-13 year olds. ...

What happened? When we grew up and our parents told us to be home by 10pm we never questioned them, we were home by 10:00, if not 10 minutes earlier.  We never dared back talked (well, if we did, we learned real fast it was usually the last time we did it). It seems teenagers today have a sense of entitlement issue.  They have no sense of respect for their parents.  Sometimes we can be fortunate that they do respect their teachers and our neighbors.  However when they come home, they can become a person we don't recognize. Again, what happened? Is it today's society?  It is peer pressure?  It is the desire to give our kids more than we had? Is it technology? Honestly, it is a million dollar question that really doesn't matter, because at the end of the day, some are struggling with a teen that is going down a negative path.  We have once good teens making some very bad choices.  If it escalates to a point that you are actually reading my...

At your wit's end? Who can help? When a parent first hits that brick wall of having a teen that is out-of-control they literally are clueless at who to call or what to look up on the Internet. Being in the dark can lead to making rash decisions and this is something you don't want to do when it comes to your child. Some parents assume that Educational Consultants are the experts to turn to for placement of troubled teens and in some cases, that may be true.  However, like with many other purchases in life, you need to know what you are buying into. Educational Consultants were originally designed to help parents with their teens to find the right colleges and with the application process. As many know, this has been replaced with CollegeBoard and many other websites online. As the shift in teen help increased, they seemed to branch out into the residential treatment field.  Most have not experienced what you are going through.  Most do not know what you are d...

Speaking with parents on a daily basis, I hear a lot about how teens can go into a rage, especially when they don’t get what they want.  It seems family values and respect for parents and authority has diminished in today’s generation.  I am not talking about all families, but many that I speak with, they don’t understand where there once happy toddler went. Here is a good guest post with five possible reason that can cause teen anger: 5 Ways to Make Your Teenager Angry Any parent of a teenager knows that one of the main emotions associated with that age is, you guessed it, anger. In fact, most people simply refer to their teenager as an “angry teen” and write off those emotions as a simple fact of life during that age. While this is definitely true, it is also imperative to treat your teen with as much care and respect as you would any other loved one, even if they treat you with the opposite of care and respect, at times. As a parent, you can’t write off y...

Parent stress, how to help your teen. As school is coming to an end for 2011, some parents are receiving notices that their teenagers are not passing, as a matter of fact, they are failing and are at risk of not graduating or being promoted to the next grade. Some parents are aware that their teen as been spiraling in a negative direction - however as many of us do, we hope and pray that some miracle will change and our teen will not only pass, but will wake-up from this typical teen time. Many parents try an adolescent therapist to help intervene.  Unfortunately many teens are able to manipulate the therapist and the next thing you know, we are back looking in the mirror - as our teen blames all the negative behavior on the parents.  Being a parent in denial is only prolonging an issue that may be far worse than you want to admit however not allowing the truth to be recognized is only hurting yourself. Especially in today's age with technology and drugs at their hi...

There are parents that believe that their teenager needs to be taught a lesson - learn to appreciate what they have, understand that respect is expected not a choice. However what many parents, in their time of anger and frustration, don't realize is that their teen isn't happy with themselves either.  They are crying out for help with their negative behavior. Seeking a scared straight program or even a boot camp can be more damage than parents realize.  You are taking a broken child and beating them down even more (emotionally - if not psychically). Is your teen using drugs?  Smoking pot?  Suspended or expelled from school?  Failing? Hanging with a new group of kids that are not on their way to a bright future? Don't be a parent in denial but don't make rash choices.  Having your teen arrested may end up doing more than teaching him/her a lesson.  Who will they meet in juvie?  What will this accomplish? There are options.  Take you...

Part 7 of my sneak peek into Dr. Michele Borba's world! Actually into her BIG BOOK of Parenting Solutions , we will explore a characteristic in teens and children I hear from parents a lot - DEFIANCE! Labels, labels and more labels. Today we will talk about a common label "ODD" also known as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Red Flags Constantly resists your simplest requests, questions authority, pushes every limit; is blatantly disrespectful, noncompliant. Turn to pages 76-85 and be prepared to learn all you ever wanted to know about defiant behavior. This includes signs and symptoms, how to change and why to change, and most important early intervention as well as detailed steps to help you be an educated parent. Michele Borba offers great advice and resources to help you help your child. Could Your Child Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)? Although all children will display a defiant streak and try pushing the limits every now and then, when such behaviors pers...

One of any parent's greatest fears is a missing child. Each year, one million troubled teens from every social class, race and religion run away from home. Unfortunately, for American families, that number continues to rise. Confused, pressured and highly impressionable teens follow their peers into bad choices. In most cases, runaway teenagers want to escape the rules and regulations of their family and household. Disagreements with parents leave them unhappy and frustrated to the point of rebellion. Naiveté leads them to believe they could survive outside the nest; and dreams of a life without parental guidance, rules and punishment seem ideal. The dangers of a runaway lifestyle are obvious. Afraid and desperate, teens on the street are easy targets for robbery, rape, prostitution, drug addiction and violent crime. While the official Runaway Hotline cites nine out of ten teens return home or are returned home by the police within a month, any amount of time on the street can chan...

As a mother of an ADHD son, I know the struggles and difficulties adolescents can bring. ADDitude Magazine has some great parenting tips, ideas and information to help you today. Source: ADDitude Magazine ADHD behavior issues often partner with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) -- making discipline a challenge. Try these strategies for parents of ADD kids. Every parent of a child with attention deficit disorder knows what it's like to deal with ADHD behavior problems -- sometimes a child lashes out or refuses to comply with even the most benign request. But about half of all parents who have children with live with severe behavior problems and discipline challenges on an almost daily basis. Read Entire Article Here.