The Blog of P.U.R.E. and Sue Scheff

As a parent that was once in your shoes over a decade ago, I've seen a shift in the teen help industry. It's still a big business, however with the challenges of medical insurance limiting what they will cover, average parents are having to seek options that may not be exactly what they expected or in the best interest of their child. Marketing and SEO has really improved over the past several years. Now we are witnessing magnificent websites of programs that have had the worst reviews, some lack clinical credentials, accredited academics and other concerning issues climbing to the top of the searching engines. Sadly - there are even some unscrupulous sales (marketing) people that sell these types of programs. As I frequently share with parents, it's important to always speak with an owner or director of a program -- someone that is actually located at the facility. Someone that will have a vested interest in your child's recovery process -- since it reflects their...

First semester of school is coming to an end.  You realize that your teen is failing - and may have even discovered they are experimenting with drugs - smoking pot, drinking - and now you are thinking - "is this a phase?"  "is it their friends?" "typical teen?" Sure - all is possible - but why risk it?  Getting your teen the help they need is a parent's responsibility.  I am not saying that rushing into a residential treatment center is your first option - on the contrary, it is your last. You need to exhaust all your local resources first.  Therapy, peer support groups, maybe outpatient, living with a relative, youth counselors.....  If the behavior continues to escalates you can't be a parent in denial.  Once the therapy isn't working - your teen is actually holding you hostage in your home - and taking control of your family - you literally feel like you are walking on eggshells - you have to reach out for help. The Internet, as much...

You have finally reached your wit's end.  It has come to a point where you have exhausted all your local resources.  The one on one therapy is no longer working, if it ever did.  The fact is, it is a fight to even get your teen to attend a session.  If you do get them to attend - how many times to they actually manipulate the therapist to actually believe there isn't an issue at all...... in some instances the blame can come right back to the parent! Yes, manipulation of a teen is priceless.  They are the best at what they do.  However now is the time for the parent to be the best at what they are - a parent. You decided it is time for residential therapy and you jump on the Internet and you start with Google by typing in key words.  Teen help, struggling teens, defiant teens, teen help programs, military schools, reform schools, troubled teens, rebellious teens, etc. What you will find is a list of marketing arms that are very quick to "sell y...

Yes, it is happening again. We thought maybe a change of schools - maybe a new school year - maybe a fresh start - maybe a new maybe..... Let's face it, as parents we hope and pray that our teenager will grow out of that defiant behavior.  This age of entitlement and spoiled rotten brat syndrome is getting worse by the day. The only refreshing thing is to know you are not alone!  Though it doesn't make it easier. One thing I can't stress enough is parents can't ignore the warning signs of a teen going down a negative road, especially if they are in their late teens.  Remember once they turn 18 they are no longer in your control - though they may still be living with you, you can't force them to get help. If your teen is 16 or 17 years old (especially 17+) and they are spiraling out of control,  it is imperative you seek help for them.  So many times, unfortunately, the once a week therapy session rarely is enough to make a difference at this point....

Parenting adolescents today has become more of a challenge than a joy with many families.  Not all, thankfully, but there are more issues surrounding peer pressure, bullying, social media, music, movies and other influences that can cause a negative environment. Drug use: Huffing , inhalants, sniffing, smoking pot Alcohol use: Underage drinking , supervised drinking Defiance: Blatant disrespect, especially towards parents Disengaged: No longer wanting to participate in family activities Change of peer group:  Choosing friends that are not a good influence Obviously this list could go on and on as more and more teenagers are engaging in harmful or dangerous activities. Is your teen reaching a level that he/she are out-of-control? Going down a negative path with only a few years left of high school? Do you fear for their future if they continue down this road? Typical teenage behavior , which much of it can be, however what happens when this ty...

What happened to my teen that as making straight A's always so concerned about getting their homework done on time, participated in school activities and looked forward to family gatherings? Adolescence? Peer pressure?  Today's society? A school incident such as bullying/cyberbullying? Sometimes it could be something a parent can't detect however they do see their once flourishing child now sinking into a deep dark hole.  They are either gravitating to a negative peer group or withdrawing all together, becoming secretive and actually failing school.  Sometimes skipping classes or not attending school at all.  Do you suspect they are using drugs or drinking? What is the next step? Seeking local help and all local resources should always be the first step.  Once you have exhausted all these options and you still see your child is sinking deeper, it may be time to consider residential therapy.  This is a major emotional and financial decision. This w...

Many parents call about the old saying " tough love ".  What exactly is it?  It was an organization that, I understand disbanded several years ago.  Their philosophy of letting your child go - had some very good concepts, however many parents could not follow through, and with that - you would only empower the child.  Finding that middle road can be difficult. Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of, tough love or not enabling the child to ruin or run the family unit. Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse. Tough love is exactly that: tough . Loving our children is unconditional, but we don't have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives. You can literally love your child to death. You can actually do more harm when you believe you are helping or saving your child. There will come a time when a parent realizes enough ...

Making the right choice takes time. Don't get scammed. As a victim of the WWASPS organization - I am often called or receive many emails about our (my daughter and I) experiences with them.  Obviously not pleasant.  Though I am happy to say the program she was at, Carolina Springs Academy, which attempted to go through a name change to Magnolia Christian Academy (or School) depending on the day you Googled it, is finally closed - it has been rumored some of the staff is now at their affiliate program - Red River Academy. Let me be clear for legal purposes - these are rumors - but if I were placing my child in program, I personally wouldn't take any chances - and furthermore, Red River Academy is clearly named in the current lawsuit which is extremely disturbing with allegations of fraud, abuse, neglect and much more - ( click here ) that is current. So when the "sales rep" tells you that " Sue Scheff " is a disgruntled parent - I say - YES, I was - y...

Yes, your teen is making bad choices. Yes, your teen is failing. Yes, your teen is experimenting with drugs. Yes, your teen is hanging out with less than desirable kids. Yes, your teen may be having sex. Yes, your teen is disrespectful. Yes, your teen needs help !  They don't need to be harmed! If you feel you are at your wit's end and have exhausted all your local resources - therapy isn't working or your teen simply refuses to go, it may be time to start thinking about residential therapy. This doesn't mean you are a bad parent, quite the contrary, you are giving your teen a second opportunity at a bright future. Need more information? Visit www.HelpYourTeens.com .

Do you suspect your teen is using drugs?  Are you saying - it is only pot?  All kids experiment?  Really?  Sure, maybe in the sixty's - but do you know what is on the streets today?  Your denial could literally lead to the death of your child.  Don't have your head in the sand - be in the know. Daily Marijuana use increased among 8th, 10th, and 12th graders from 2009 to 2010. Among 12th graders it was at its highest point since the early 1980s at 6.1%. This year, perceived risk of regular marijuana use also declined among 10th and 12th graders suggesting future trends in use may continue upward. In addition, most measures of marijuana use increased among 8th graders between 2009 and 2010 (past year, past month, and daily), paralleling softening attitudes for the last 2 years about the risk of using marijuana.  Marijuana use is now ahead of cigarette smoking on some measures (due to decreases in smoking and recent increases in marijuana use)....

Are you at your wit's end? Summer is over – school is into their first quarter and your teen’s behavior is only escalating!  You are soon driven to your wit’s end! When a parent is reaching their wit’s end, they are most at risk for making mistakes – mistakes that can cost them financially as well as emotionally.  Good kids – bad choices:  Where did my innocent toddler go?  When therapy isn’t working This is not a science, in most cases when a belligerent, defiant and entitled teen is faced with a therapist or counselor, they will either close up like a clam, or tell the most amusing stories – which can be called – manipulation. Did you know it was your fault?  It really isn’t, but in some cases the teen can actually convince a therapist that it is the parents that have the problem, not them.  Again, another example of manipulation. Are you ready for a residential program? Have you exhausted all your local options? How do you know if y...

Casual underage teen drinking? Not legal. This is the time of year parents are calling - their teen is failing, hanging out with the wrong peer group, possibly using drugs or drinking, and even running away. Over the past few weeks the increase of calls relating to teen runaways is disturbing.  Many of these parents believe that finding a good two-week summer program will fit this issue.  What parents don't understand is it took longer than two weeks to get to this point, it will certainly take longer to determine where this is stemming from. Are you a parent that is considering a Wilderness Program for the summer? Think twice again.  This can be a very, very expensive camping trip and a band-aid that will soon fall off once school opens again. As a matter of fact, Wilderness programs will tell you about 4 weeks into it (usually at $400 a day or more) - that your teen will need a longer term program following this camping journey.  Seriously - parents, yo...

Get sound, objective help for your teen. Recently launched yet has helped over 30,000 families, www.TeenHelpAdvice.com offers over 25+ years of combined experience in the big business of teen help schools and programs. Offering sound and objective advice, the Teen Help Advisors are experts in the "business" of the teen help industry.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  Many parents are duped on a daily basis when they have reached their wit's end.  They are feeling desperate - alone - and hopeless. No more!  We have been there - I have been duped, my teen was abused and I am determined that this doesn't happen to other parents as they believe they are getting help. The questionable decision to hire an Educational Consultant (EC) c an be answered very quickly. Just yesterday (and many times prior) I hear from parents that have spent at least $2500 to as much as $5000.00 for the services of an Educational Consultant .  Yesterday this desperate mother...

Choosing the right program takes time. You have come to a point that therapy isn't working, your teen is out of control, they are saying they are going to drop out of school, and not attending classes - now you found out they are smoking pot, maybe worse.  Of course we then shift into the blame game! Stop, listen to yourself -and take action.  Don't be a parent in denial - get your teen the help they need.  The Internet is a confusing and daunting experience, however a necessary tool when trying to decipher a field you are totally foreign to. Parent networking is priceless!  Talk to other parents that have had similar experiences. Move forward from wanting teach your teen that they need to appreciate what they have - it just won't happen in a boot camp, scared straight or even wilderness.  Sure - you will break them down "temporarily" but what happens with that "fright" wears off? Need help?  Visit www.HelpYourTeens.com where your family is ...

Going to therapy seems to be the first step parents take when they realize their tween or teen is starting to go down a negative path. It is important to find a therapist that specialize with adolescents - one that understands the "teen talk". But what happens when therapy isn't working?  What happens when your teens starts to manipulate the therapist?  What happens when the therapist believes it is time for the next step? It is time to look for a boarding school, one that offers the support your teen needs both emotionally and academically.  It is important to understand, although education is absolutely a necessity, you have to realize that the teens needs to be emotionally balanced in order to do well at anything.  This doesn't mean you look at programs that don't offer academics, such as many Wilderness programs, parents need to keep 3 major issues in their mind. Academic's/Education Clinical/Therapy Enrichment Programs/Extra-Curriculum Activiti...

What happened to that sweet 5 year-old you sent off to Kindergarten?  What happened to that athletic tween that loved T-Ball? What happened to my little angel that loved going to the mall with me? What happened to my child that always worked so hard to get good grades and always worked to make me proud? Where did my kind son go? Where did their childhood go? Today's society is challenging for teenagers - but can be even more distressful for their parents.  When slowly they watch their good child turn into a tween or teen that they barely recognized.  Underneath the questionable clothing, the piercings we had to reluctantly agree to - and the tattoos they got on their own - our child is deep in there somewhere! After exhausting all local resources, whether it is an excellent adolescent therapist to local support groups and even out-patient facilities, you are looking at a teen that is heading down a dark road.  It is time for parents to dig deep and find t...

Parents of at-risk teens have many common thoughts, here are some of them: My daughter is so smart, she is highly intelligent. My son is extremely handsome, very athletic and always had lots of friends. My daughter is beautiful, was the captain of her cheerleading team etc.... My son has an IQ of 170, yet is failing. My daughter wants to drop out of high school. My son wants to get his GED and is not attending school. My daughter made the varsity team and yet dropped out. My son was swim captain and now was asked to leave the team. (He was caught with pot, but said it was his friends. My daughter smokes pot, but it is only recreational. My son likes to drink beer, but it isn't all the time. Excuses for parents: It is the friends he/she is hanging with. The teacher doesn't like my son/daughter. The school has zero tolerance. His father isn't around enough. The coach expects too much. If it wasn't for this one neighbor, we wouldn't have these issue...

Breaking a teen down, does it really build them up? It never ceases to amaze me that parents are still asking for boot camps or scared straight programs .  Although they may make an initial effect on your teen, it is rarely, if ever, long lasting.  They are usually considered a band-aid to a wound that will soon be re-opened. Many teens that are acting out in a negative way, are usually crying out for help.  Lack of self-esteem, negative peer group and simply feel like they are not important to anyone. Boot camps and scared straight programs are about breaking your child down - aren't they already there?  In many cases these types of programs can build more anger and resentment which is usually targeted at the parent that sent them there. Finding a program that helps determine where these negative impulses are coming from and helping your teen work through them can be the best way to get back on a positive road. Are you ready to get your teen the help t...

CNN - InSession - TruTV (formerly CourtTV) Today I was on In Session with Ryan Smith. An interesting segment about troubled teens and boot camps. It is also a disturbing trial that is almost incomprehensible.  As a young man is being charged with hiring a hit-man to kill his parents, part of his defense is the horrible time he spent in a specialty program.  This program was actually under the same umbrella of schools and programs that my own daughter attended. Yes, the program in our experience, was extremely abusive - both physically and emotionally.  Did it create someone to actually kill their parents?  I haven't heard of that yet.  I will share with you these types of stories can sometimes deter parents from getting their teens help. P.U.R.E . was created to help educate parents on searching and investigating schools and programs for your teen's individual needs.  We warn you to use caution of slick marketing scams - fancy websites and toll ...

As second semester continues, more and more parents are struggling with their teens to get them to attend school.  It never ceases to amaze me that so many teenagers in high school "assume" they can just drop out and get a GED.  Generations prior, this was frowned upon and the only teens that did there were juvenile delinquents.  This has changed. Do you find yourself forcing your teen to go to school?  Are they failing when they have the potential to succeed?  Has your honor roll student barely getting C's?  Classic signs of underachieving can have an underlying issue to something bigger. Has their peer group changed?  Are they experimenting with drugs?  Is it "only" a joint now and then? (Seriously some parents think this way).  What they aren't realizing is the pot they smoked 20-30 years ago is not the pot these kids are getting today. You have come to the realization that you need outside help.  Local therapy has been exhauste...